I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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