Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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