and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
