1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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