Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
