My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
