Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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