her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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