i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
