so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
