just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
