do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
