My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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