Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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