My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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