Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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