You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
