We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize