He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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