Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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(804): You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic. (1-804): If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator. http://tfl.nu/r2b2

Replies (5) Good night (1001) Bad night (415)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

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(201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487

Replies (37) Good night (7283) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
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(818): View more from California

I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

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(818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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(219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4

Replies (11) Good night (7641) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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(216): View more from Ohio

She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

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(216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r

Replies (13) Good night (6270) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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(404): View more from Georgia

So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?

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(404): So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat? http://tfl.nu/7wij

Replies (12) Good night (5581) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(540): Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh. http://tfl.nu/suhk

Replies (15) Good night (5909) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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(773): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes

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(773): Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes http://tfl.nu/y66v

Replies (27) Good night (4689) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

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(814): So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club? http://tfl.nu/yeac

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(423): View more from Tennessee

We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.

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(423): We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands. http://tfl.nu/9yq1

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(802): View more from Vermont

I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

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(802): I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger http://tfl.nu/yrot

Replies (9) Good night (2262) Bad night (837)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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(570): I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know. http://tfl.nu/puq8

Replies (10) Good night (1719) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home

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(318): Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home http://tfl.nu/q30x

Replies (1) Good night (1117) Bad night (404)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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(610): porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy. http://tfl.nu/gke1

Replies (12) Good night (2215) Bad night (318)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink

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(717): Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink http://tfl.nu/xefq

Replies (4) Good night (382) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt

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