i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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