The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
