Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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