You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
