Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize