The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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