what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
