Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
