I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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