have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
