there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
