And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
