meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
