Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.