I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night