no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.