I CAN MOONWALK!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?