I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
