Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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