i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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