the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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