His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
