so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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