carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
