It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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