My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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