Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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