anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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