So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
