genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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