This girl is more easily done than said...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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