i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
