dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ttyl tear gas
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
MIDGETS
????
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
