She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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