His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
