I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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