Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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