Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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