she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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