He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
