I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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